Monday, November 19, 2007

Waiting and More Waiting

You'd think I'd have learned patience by now when it comes to waiting for test results.

You'd think.

But no, instead I sit here angsting over what the hemotologist will say on Tuesday, and even whether she'll actually get back to me that day as promised or if it will turn out that not all the tests are back in time.

With Thanksgiving this week and people liking to take extra time off, I'm worried that if I don't hear on Tuesday, I won't hear anything until next week.

And the truly silly part about being so anxious (not eager, anxious) for these test results is it's not like they will give me a definite diagnosis.

Most likely, the hemotologist will tell me that she's reasonably certain that it's not multiple myeloma, and then I'll be right back where I started before the rheumatologist sent me off on this wild goose chase.

It's getting very close to December, which will be the six month mark of my illness. I told my therapist today that in my fantasies, I hope that once cancer is ruled out, I'll immediately be put on Plaquenil, react quickly and positively to it, and that by January my illness will be in remission and I'll be able to take Ellie out of daycare.

Yeah, I know that's probably a fantasy and only slightly more likely to happen than us winning Powerball. But I can hope.

Tomorrow. The sun will come out tomorrow.


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