Just when I think my fatigue/exhaustion can't get any worse, it does.
It's been a killer couple weeks, and this week is just piling it on.
I just can't seem to cope with having something that needs doing and somewhere that needs being on a daily basis. I'm getting desperate for a full day of downtime, although it's bad enough that I suspect a single day of downtime isn't going to cut it.
Yeah, I guess this is turning out to be a "Poor Aviva" post again. Sorry. But if I don't whine here, where can I whine? :)
I think April 9 is the last day I was able to just veg at home alone, and that was trying desperately to recover from not getting home from seder until 10:30 p.m. the night before. Since then, it seems like it's been one commitment after another, mostly doctor appointments but also some social and volunteer commitments.
So the really weird part? It's getting harder to sleep instead of easier as I get farther and farther past exhaustion. I'm walking around like a zombie, but it's challenging to actually fall asleep when I have the opportunity, and I'm waking up earlier than I'd like and not being able to fall back asleep again.
Don't get me wrong -- I'm still getting 10-11 hours of sleep a day, and I have plenty of friends with young children who would be thrilled to get 8 hours. But since I got sick, I've needed to average closer to 13 or 14 hours a day to feel even semi-functional. And let me tell you, I'm not feeling very functional these days, although I'm going through the motions as best I can.
I'm craving caffeine in a way I haven't in years. (I gave up caffeine when I had chronic peptic ulcers in 2000-04.) And boy do I wish I could still take the Provigil for an energy boost.
I figure if I can just get through the next six days or so, I can crawl into bed and not come out until the following weekend.
In the meantime, I've got those iron infusions Thursday, Friday and Monday. I sure hope they kick in over the next few weeks so I can believe it was worth the time, effort and energy to get them. And money. I don't know yet what they're going to cost us out-of-pocket, but I know they'll cost something.
Thanks for listening, folks. And if you wondered why I have owed you email for weeks now, well, this is my excuse.
4 months ago