Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A Matter of Perspective

The Best I Ever Had
Image by Thomas Hawke via Flickr

For the first time ever, I accompanied Scott & Ellie to an out-of-town skate meet last weekend. It was held in Auburn, roughly a three-hour drive from Portland.

I didn't decide that I was going until the night before. And even then, I was really torn about whether it was a good idea for my health.

Sometimes I feel like I walk a tightrope between desperately wanting to avoid a flare or major setback and wanting to participate in my family's (and especially my daughter's) life as much as possible no matter the cost.

So we left home at 7 a.m. on Friday but made a detour to stop past Scott's office and pick something up that ended up adding an hour to our journey thanks to morning rush hour.

And here's how my schedule went for the weekend, as best I remember:

11:30a-1p: Arrive Auburn, brief stop at skate rink then lunch and checking into our room.
1-6p: Nap while Scott & Ellie went to practice at the rink.
7p: Picked up at hotel to go to dinner with a bunch of skaters.
9p: Bed.

7a: Scott and Ellie head to the rink. I said goodbye and went back to sleep until around 11a.
Noon: Scott & Ellie come back and have a short swim in the hotel pool.
1p: Lunch
2p: We take Ellie to the hotel where the girls are doing hair and makeup for the junior precision team's event Saturday night
3:30p: Back to our hotel because I'm exhausted and the noise/activity level at the other hotel's lobby with 14 girls and at least one parent apiece is exhausting to be around.
4-5p: Nap
5:15: Doors open at the rink and we're right there.
5:30: Opening Ceremonies for the meet (despite competition having started at 6a).
6p: Junior precision teams (ours and another club's) skate. Then we watch the Tiny Tots skate while waiting for the award ceremony. Our girls win first place!
8p: Dinner. Finally!
9:30p: Bed

4:30a: Alarm goes off and I get up to do Ellie's hair and makeup for her 6a figures event. Scott also has two figures events starting at 6a.
5:15a: Free (and quick!) breakfast in the hotel lobby. Rink opens at 5:30a and skaters need to hurry.
5:30a: Scott and Ellie leave for the rink. I head back to bed.
10a: Scott calls and asks if I want to be picked up to be there for Ellie's dance event at 10:45a. I regretfully decline and go back to sleep for another hour.
11a: I get up, get dressed and start packing up all our gear because checkout is at noon. I'm expecting Scott and Ellie back any moment. But they aren't, so I go ahead and check out at noon and wait in the lobby to be picked up with our gear.
1p: Scott picks me up in a grumpy mood because they still hadn't posted results from Ellie's event or had the award ceremony due to computer issues and he's afraid he'll miss it.
1:30p: There's an award ceremony but we don't hear them call Ellie's event. All of a sudden everyone's asking where she is and it turns out she won second place. I chase her down and hurry her onto the rink to get her medal.
1:40p: Lunch!
3-5:30p: Hanging around rink until Scott's dance event at 5:30. Most of the younger girls are melting down because they've been at the rink since 6a and are exhausted.
6p: Ellie and I decide to eat rink food for dinner. Scott can't because he's still in his dance tux and can't risk mess while waiting for the award ceremony. He's won second place!
7p: Hit the road for home, with a quick stop at a McDonald's so Scott can eat something.
10:30p: Home at last!

Do you get as tired as I do just from reading that? And keep in mind that I slept through the bulk of the weekend!

On Sunday, I came to the conclusion that my presence at the skate meet was pointless and actually an annoyance because of the extra trips between hotel and rink that Scott had to make in order to accommodate my needs. And I'd missed three of the five events my family skated, as well as sometimes pulled them away from what they would have chosen to be doing if I weren't there. So what was the point?

Scott, however, came to the opposite conclusion. Without my having told him how I was feeling about the trip, he thanked me for coming along and said it was really good to have me there.

Clearly, it's a matter of perspective. And that's giving me some food for thought.


Koparko-Ɓadowarka Radom said...

Very unusual photo, but its nice :)

Anonymous said...

I had a same thing happen to me last weekend. My son moved to Colorado and he packed up a U-Haul truck and took off with his brother and Dad. They asked me to go. I wasn't as brave as you. I am not a good traveler, Chicago to Denver is 1100 miles. Bravo to you.....I'm glad you went.

Tamara Epps said...

Firstly I have to say congratulations for making it through the whole weekend, as reading that schedule was exhausting for me.

I get what you're saying about not feeling that it was worth you going, but if you hadn't gone you would have spent however many months feeling guilty about that and the constant 'what if' nagging in your mind, so I have to say I think you made the right choice.

Don't forget that it's perfectly okay to say 'I've done my best, now I need more rest' and to feel positive for making the effort as I'm sure your family appreciated it.

Aviva said...

Mo: I wouldn't have been able to do an 1100-mile car ride either! I'm not a good traveler either, and I think the only reason this worked at all was because I did sleep through most of the weekend. Don't beat yourself up -- your sons and husband got a boys' weekend and bonding experience!

Aviva said...

Tamara: Thanks! I did make the right choice, and hearing from Scott that he was happy I came meant a lot to me. Besides, it's all prep for our trip to Albuquerque in July for Nationals. We'll be there two weeks (!) while both Scott & Ellie compete. If the heat and elevation don't kill me, it'll be an easier trip because the events I care most about are more spread out, making it easier for me to attend them.